Is Vírginity Still in Vogue?

I was talking with some friends recently on the above topic and everyone had something interesting to say. It was quite enlightening to hear what the guys had to say about it.

The ladies in the group also had something different to say, but basically what each gender had to say was based primarily on gender lines.

Vírginity is like a balloon, one prick and it’s gone forever. Please pardon my pun here but what I’ve just said is true. Most of us place value on abstinence before marriage but we all also want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit so as to know what we are getting into when we get married.

Most people especially women say they want to remain as vírgins until they get married while a lot of young men are obsessed with the idea of having sèx and being experienced before marriage.

Thinking along this line, it’s almost impossible for young people to date these days without the issue of sèx being raised and in a lot of cases, acting as a catalyst for the breakdown of the relationship if not properly handled.

It is with this in mind that the question now arises whether the idea of vírginity and abstinence is still in vogue. For a lot of men, the issue of vírginity is a non-issue. Who wants to buy a car without first test driving it? Or buy a mobile phone without first making a call with it?

The idea is that when tested okay, it won’t give one stress when you take it home. The same applies to having a relationship one intends to go the whole distance with.

The idea even goes as far as men first getting their girlfriends pregnant before marrying them. I may be crucified for this but I know I’m speaking the mind of a lot of young men out there when I say that we can’t be bothered to start teaching a vírgin some new tricks in pleasuring a man when we marry a vírgin.

Yes I know the popular saying among women is that when a woman finds the right man, he will surely find other ways of expressing his love to her without trying to have sèx with her when she says she wants to remain a vírgin till they get married.

A lot of people especially women will tell you that a thing which has never been used by anyone and less accessible to many will always have value like gold or any of these precious stones.

The truth is that any man who doesn’t try to have his way with you must surely have a psychological or biological problem. The truth be told, men are sèxual animals and will find other women better attractive than you who is a vírgin.

I’m not advocating for young girls to sleep around, but saying the truth as it relates with the thinking of the African male.

It is almost an impossible dream to expect an adult African male in his sèxual prime to remain celibate with his partner during the period of courtship and not even have another girlfriend outside who may act as a side-show and who in the end if she’s as smooth and smart as Cleopatra of legend, not snatch the man from his intended with her going as far as getting him for herself.

The idea of celibacy before marriage in this present age and clime can only happen in the make-believe world of Nollywood and the pages of a romance novel or on stage.

Our grandparents may have gotten married during their time as virgíns but believe me when I tell you that the present crop of young males have no patience for such and the advent of better and faster cheaper means of communication from the old ways of love letters have also endangered the virgín specie.

If you want me to lie to you, then I’ll say that vírginity is still cherished but the truth is the truth. If it’s a lie, why do you think the so called good girls are remaining on the proverbial shelf while the black sheep of the family keeps on having all the fun and bringing home the so called good catches?

Let’s call a spade a spade; vírginity went out of vogue like the old black and white television.

Everyone is clamouring for 3 D imagery now. The value of vírginity is subjective to the person or society within which we are living and as such is basically no more in vogue.

Yes, it is

In the times of our forebears, the top of a young man’s list of “specifications” for his dream wife was that she must be a virgín. Unfortunately, it seems that this item has moved down the lists and has stopped appearing. Premarital sèx seems to have been rebranded from an abomination to a sport.

Today, talking about and indulging in sèx is no big deal, even amongst the group of people we categorise as “under-age”. However, does this mean that vírginity is no longer admirable to the majority? From my observations and discussions with people, it seems that the vírginity criterion is more of a man’s thing.

This is quite ironic because the men set this criterion for the women only; not for themselves. In fact, you hardly find men who want to ‘keep’ themselves for their wives.

So, what we find is a world filled with women who are dumped by long-time boyfriends when the boyfriends are ready to become husbands. Why? These women have served their purpose; the men must now look for vírtuous women whom they can ‘take home to Mama’.

Most times, the guys don’t admit that it is the vírginity criterion that has informed their decision not to marry girlfriends with whom they were sèxually active. True, but very sad.

On the other hand, it seems that women just assume that men, by default, are prone to become sèxually active long before they are ready to tie the knot. Women, therefore, do not generally put vírginity on their list of must-haves.

As long as the man shows potential to be faithful, the woman is fine. You hardly hear that a woman asked her boyfriend if he is a virgin, but every woman must answer the question in whatever manner it is phrased. Because of the numerous advantages of being a virgin before marriage, I believe vírginity will always be in vogue. Some reasons are:

• It creates more room for a strong mental and emotional connection with only your spouseVírgins are more respected by spouses and in-laws

•  There is no ‘past’ or ‘ex’ to be wary of

•  Vírgins are more likely to be faithful partners

• Vírgins hardly have issues of emotional or sèxual dissatisfaction

• A person’s past life may be a ground for his/her spouse to easily distrust him/her or be paranoid/suspicious

•  No fear of STDs

•  No comparison between spouse and past partners

The truth is: a lot of men who desire to marry vírgins seem to have ‘lowered’ their standards or specifications because vírgin ladies seem to be ‘endangered species’. So most times, when a man says he is not so bent on marrying a vírgin, it is not because he would rather have a woman who by reason of her ‘many escapades’, has become ‘skillful’ in the ‘art’ of sèx.

No! It is simply because he acknowledges the fact that a lot of ladies (for various reasons) lose their vírginity before they are ready to tie the knot, and some of them could have turned new leaves. Simply put, vírginity is still in vogue, but in a subtle way.

People hold vírgins in high regard, but they just don’t admit to or express how high they rank vírginity.

I believe this is one of the instances that capture the fact that perception is stronger than reality. Young people now strongly believe that vírginity is not an asset, so they don’t need to keep themselves “intact” until they get married.

What they fail to realise, especially the female folk, is that almost every man desires to get married to a vírgin, though they may not voice out their desire. In fact, the reason why some do not insist on waiting to get a vírgin is because vírgin ladies seem to be joining the category of endangered species. Another reason is that most men know that they do not have the moral right to insist on marrying vírgins. So is vírginity still a priced asset? Of course, it is!