Kinds of Nigerian Husbands and Wives

I'll put the disclaimer first before some ask for my head. This is a comedic chain-mail. Dirty Dishes who first posted it said, "The article is about the stereotypical perception of the Nigerian husband and wife... This is in no way to insult any tribe so please do not get offended. It is also not meant to annoy anyone, hurt anyone or make any tribe look superior or inferior." I saw it on Deronk's and though I'm really not one for stereotype jokes, this got me laughing. Enjoy...

Kinds of Nigerian Husbands

IGBO HUSBAND

Plus

He is very loyal, He maintains monogamy, Could be very yielding/gullible, Gives you access to all his assets, Follows your advice and directions to the letter, Spends money on you for comfort, good looks and happiness, Takes care of your kids

Minus

Could be very unromantic-Romance is limited to spending money, spending money and spending money, May be semi-literate or illiterate, May marry you early and deny you of access to life/youth, More likely to be crude and unrefined, Always has a large family to cater to and take care of plus apprentices etc, May not be presentable, May be horrible in bed and/or sexually illiterate/unwillin g to explore, Could be gullible/easy to deceive.

YORUBA HUSBAND

Plus

Could be very romantic, Could be caring, Tries to maintain leadership in the home, Disciplines kids well, More white-collar career inclined, Literacy level is usually high,

Minus

More likely to philander, More likely to eventually marry another wife, More likely to marry you for your money/connections, Could be highly assertive, Most times you would take care of yourself after a while, You may eventually separate with nothing to show for it, Family members may be given priority.

EDO HUSBAND

Plus

Believes in marriage, Takes care of you and your needs.

Minus

May end up not taking full care of the kids, Could be very harsh, Does not take any nonsense, You may end up taking care of him, You can't cheat on him.

URHOBO HUSBAND

Plus

Believes in marriage, Takes care of you and your needs.

Minus

You may end up taking care of him, You cant cheat on him.

EFIK HUSBAND

Plus

Will effectively take care of the culinary activities in your absence, Is usually very religious, Hardworking, Good in bed, Quite organised and clean.

Minus

Be prepared to have 12 kids, Your cooking may not be good enough, He will either be very ugly or very handsome. no line between. He will also either be very short or very tall. Same with your kids, Prepare to have a husband like 25 years older than you in his fifties.

HAUSA HUSBAND

Plus

Hardly believes in premarital sex, Very religious, Takes care of you

Minus

You may be wife number 4, You may be wife number 4 at 14, You have absolutely no say in anything, anywhere and anytime, If he passes away, you may be transferred to another family.

Kinds of Nigerian Wives

URHOBO WIFE

Plus

Always loyal/faithfully( cheating is outright abomination), very hardworking and self reliant, very good cook(banga soup,owo,peppersoup ,sea food specials, can persevere even in poverty conditions, accommodating if a second wife shows up, what u see is what u get kind of attitude, would lay down their life for their children, Tolerates in-laws

Minus

Argumentative, stubborn, alcholic tendencies, some level of gra- gra, very very very vocal, She respects you with serious warning., Very sharp and wise to take action.

YORUBA WIFE

Plus

Very respectful to husband, Very respectful to in-laws, Most times educated, Yielding and submissive, Likes sex.

Minus

Would most likely have had one kid for another man before you and after you, Will most likely cheat at 65% with one Uncle or Oga at office, Possibly give you another man's kid in between your kids, Tells her mother or sisters or friends everything, May jazz you up, Will fill you with pepper, palm oil, assorted and amala, Probably will marry another man even if you split at 60 years of age, If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, the uncles will finally start to drop her off in front of the house with a peck.

IGBO WIFE

Plus

Loyal to her husband, Gives kids good nourishing food with vegetables and many spices, Is very clean, Is ready to fight anybody alongside her husband and break their head or even fight while the husband watches, Even if her husband leaves her at 30, she has only a 3% chance of remarrying after kids.

Minus

Very disrespectful to everyone including you, After breaking the neighbours' head will one day break yours, Only regards you as a man if you have money, Views love as spending power, May not really love you but will marry you because you are ready and her real lover isn't, Will spend every dime of yours without touching hers, Does not tolerate your in laws and disrespects them, May stop shagging you after 35, If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she will become VERY insubmissive and her family will finally remember what a useless in-law you are, When there is a fight, her brothers will come and join to break your head.

EDO WIFE

Plus

Cannot cheat on you, Can also cook good food, Looks after kids and you, Very respectful, Most times well endowed, Very thrifty, Always has one brother or sister in Europe to bail you out in hard times, Does not leave you even if you are semi-dead, quarter dead or dead, If she makes more money than you, or you make less her, she remains loyal but after building 10 houses you have no idea about.

Minus

May have signed your death day the day you were married, You have a 98.75% chance of dying before her, Eventually you die and she becomes the landlady, Or she may have built her own house while you guys were still staying in a room and parlour without you knowing, May have done runs before you got married.

HAUSA WIFE

Plus

Everything good.

Minus

If you are not a muslim, no chance, You may eventually have to show her were the promised land is, Even when you do, it must be in the dark.

EFIK WIFE

Plus

She will load you with so much good food that every other thing is poison, She will also f.... your brains out, Also loyal and respectful but will also break your head if you misbehave, Very clean.

Minus

She will f.... your brains out finally, She will either be very slim, have an extremely large arse or be very short, You will share shaving stick as she may have facial and chest hair, Even if you wanna leave her, the f**king and feeding will keep you coming back for more.